Today is a hard day. Today marks 17 years since you left this earth so suddenly… I’ve lived much longer in this world without you, than with you. It’s crazy.
Some days it’s hard to remember what you were like, what it was like to have a daddy. Some years when the 27th August comes around, I celebrate, and some years I mourn. Well, this year it’s both. I wish you could be here to meet your newest little grandson Hudson. He looks like you… I see your character in him daily and that makes me so happy and so sad. You would have been such a proud Grandpa and it would have been such a joy to watch you be a grandparent to Summer and Hudson. I wish you could have been here to see how your daughters cope, how we thrive, and what amazing men we have by our side. I wish I could have known you as an adult – to be able to pick up the phone and chat to you, to ask for advice, to tell you you’re so old because of all the tech questions you ask me.
But life isn’t that simple. Life sometimes takes turns we never expected and would never choose ourselves. I don’t know if you know this, but you leaving us, has made me into the person I am today. You have helped shape me and make me strong, independent, brave, joyful, determined and sassy 🙂 Daddy, I wish I could have known you, but I am thankful I got to experience the love of an earthly Father for those few years. And my Heavenly Father has been carrying me, sometimes dragging me, the rest of the way…
This year it all feels raw. Real. It feels harder. Maybe it’s because it is the first year I am not in Africa for the anniversary of your death? I don’t feel as connected to you, to that tragic day being so far from African soil. I remember being called into my teacher’s storeroom to be told that something terrible had happened, I remember fainting from shock. I remember hearing the words of what had happened, but not reacting. Being frozen – in the physical and in the emotional. I remember it all so clearly – my friend who witnessed your death right outside my school crying and crying, our prayer circle in our classroom, hearing that you had actually left us for good… It’s all so clear, yet there’s a haze about it as time moves on.
I will always love and miss you daddy, and I wish you could be here with us for even one more moment.